So you're going to have surgery?

As you follow this blog, you will notice that every time I mention anything to do with Tommy's situation, whatever it is, I will almost always say "we".  Yes, Tommy was the one actually cut on, poked, prodded, xrayed, physical therapied. . . but believe me, it was happening to both of us.

Whatever your loved one's situation is, you are going to be totally and completely immersed in whatever it is.  This perception that "it's happening to both of us" is normal, and I believe that attitude helps both of you to wade through whatever comes your way.

Being told that having surgery is "not an option" is some of the most frightening news you will ever get.  (In our marathon, Tommy has never had an "elective" surgery.)

The surgeries we faced this time really were scary. His spinal cord was "squished", as one neurosurgeon expressed it, in two different places.  The one was very close to the top of the spinal column, cervical vertebrates 3 and 4.  Since he already had a cage at C 4 through 7, this meant the possibility of removing that cage, fusing 3 & 4, and putting the cage back.  The other squished place was in the middle of his back, thoracic (T) 10 & 11, an area that is rarely involved or operated on.

He was in danger of being paralyzed from the neck down if the cervical surgery wasn't done, or paralyzed from the waist down if the thoracic wasn't done.  The cervical came first, as it was the most urgent.

Preparation?  This was not our first rodeo, so I began to make plans. How long would he be hospitalized?  The nurse said "3 to 4 days", but I knew Tommy's shortest stay after surgery was 7 days.

So, I:

1.  Checked the house, making sure the hatches were battened down and everything was secure.
2.  A friend volunteered to bring the mail in every day and feed our porch kitties.
3.  I packed a suitcase with  "necessities" for at least a week. (The hospital was 80 miles away.)
4.  Where would I stay?  We have wonderful Christian friends who live in Louisville, and they opened their home to me, as they have often done before.
5.  I planned for a "hospital tote" - books to read, my favorite snacks, the cell phone charger, etc. I also remembered to pack an extra sweater to keep in Tommy's room.  Hospitals are notoriously cold, no matter what the season!
6.  Bought a small notebook to use as a daily hospital record.

This was the first time I kept a daily record of what happened.  Since this stay turned out to be more like a siege, I was really glad I had.  I could refer to dates, etc., doctors' names, procedures, complications, when I was explaining what happened to the nurses at the nursing center, our family doctor, and the neurologist who was helping with the dementia problems.

And, this will sound crass, but it was also very helpful when the really odd doctor bills began to arrive.  The body count of specialists who saw him during the siege was 11.  You can imagine how confusing it would have been if I hadn't had my own record of their names and specialities.

The notebook turned out to be one of the best ideas I had.  It helped my focus on the moment, instead of worrying about "what's going to happen if. . .?"  I pray you may find this helpful, too.