Coping - Part One

Coping with stress, coping with a cranky spouse, coping with a disrupted household, coping with holidays, coping with finances, coping with being "on the road" all the time, coping with . . .  You get the picture.

Let me say this:  I've had a lot of experience coping.  The surgeries I have written about are just the last two in a long sequence of Tommy's surgeries, and then there's my broken ankle and broken hip which came into play during all of this as well.  On top of that, Tommy's mother came to live with us the summer of 2005.  She was 86, in failing health, and lived 1000 miles from us, so we sort of snookered her into coming for one of her usual visits and convinced her to keep staying longer and longer. 

So when Tommy faced a cervical spine surgery the spring of 2006, I warned Mom and Tommy that with all of this to cope with, I was probably going to get cranky once in a while!  And of course, I did.  The problem was, I felt like I couldn't yell at either one of them, as the situation we found ourselves in was "nobody's fault", so I figured out a wonderful stress relief.

Our washer and dryer is in the basement.  When I reached a boiling point, I would loudly announce, "I'm going to do some laundry," and head downstairs.  Then I would proceed to yell and scream at the poor innocent washer and dryer, blaming them for whatever I was stressed about at the time.  Then I would go upstairs and speak very calmly to my husband and mom-in-law, knowing that as both of them were hard of hearing, neither one of them could hear what went on downstairs!

Not that I recommend yelling at innocent appliances, but when we humans are stressed, we have to find an outlet, or we will explode.  I call it the Mount St. Helen's Syndrome.  Yelling at the washing machine was my pressure valve, allowing me to calm down, pray it through, and then deal with my family lovingly and calmly.

There are many outlets for relieving stress.  I have a couple of different devotional books which help me find just the right prayer thought or scripture which applied to the crisis of the moment.  God has a way of putting just the right thought in my path which soothes my troubled spirit most.  In fact, I highly recommend Max Lucado's Live Loved.   I got it for my Nook, and it really helped me during the dark months last year.

Another stress outlet is music.  We all have different tastes, and I love old fashioned hymns more than anything.  On some of my "road trips" to or from the hospital or rehab, I would sing my favorites from the Baptist Hymnal, out loud, sometimes singing the alto part, sometimes off key, often through tears, but it always made me feel better and more able to cope.  All of my life, God has spoken to me through music, and this was no exception.

Laughter -- great stress reliever!  I don't sit and read joke books, but some of the funny postings on FaceBook have been perfect for a good belly laugh.  One of my friends is always posting funny things she hears from the preschoolers she teaches.  Some of my best belly laughs come from her!  And if I have time, some of my favorite funny movies fill the bill, too.

Finally, tears.  Yes, there is nothing quite so anxiety emptying as a good old fashioned cry.  I've had my share over the past year, sometimes started by something as simple as a Hallmark Card commercial!  God knows and understands when the difficulties we deal with are finally too much and gives us permission to grieve a little.  I have cried, yelled at God, cried some more, asked forgiveness, asked for peace, and at the end of my "good cry" (that's what my mother called it), I always feel empty of the tension which had so filled me up there was no room to feel His love.

That's when I feel I am truly "coping" with my caregiving marathon.  Believe me, it is not through my strength that I am surviving this marathon, but because I am relying on God's promise:  Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Him Who gives me strength."